Paradigm Shift

Well as usual it's been obscenely long since I last wrote, but I decided to update now on a whim while I'm still in the midst of this momentary catharsis.  Summer is fast approaching its denouement so to speak.  Today was the last day of full time operation at Six Flags of what will almost certainly be my last summer working there.  An anticlimactic end unbefitting of the close of an era it represents.  I still have a few days on the weekend left, but it's essentially over. 

Of course I never really mentioned how this summer went in the first place.  It had it's ups and downs to be sure, and wasn't without more than it's share of drama, even an ill-advised summer fling.  Categorized by a lack of what is implied in the grand old name of Taz Thunder Drumline: playing drums during the day, I guess you might say we suffered a bit of an identity crisis.  We were left with just Safety (our trash can/broom show) and the Glow in the Park Parade which was a nice new sort of experience to have, albeit a trying one at times.  Perhaps the worst was not having the feeling of being a cohesive unit, our unity often lost in amid personal tensions and bitterness.  I'm sure part of the reason I can't believe this summer is over is because the season was so short with three full weeks less of full time operation and a relatively late call time which countered our $2 raise.  That's not to say this season was all bad, I especially enjoyed employing the tv in our break to get paid to watch movies everyday.  And the personal tensions and bitterness I mentioned were only between certain people, the rest of us getting along pretty well.

Taz Thunder has come a long way since I nervously came to that very first audition in June of 2006.  It's had its growth and decline, its lateral progressions.  The product we put out this year was unrecognizable as having any resemblance to that first year stuff.  Still, as the only member to be there all four years I can only look back fondly, as much as I've complained in the present.  As much as we've had to put up with it was still a great job.  This was the experience that really taught me how to perform, how to work an audience.  Sure, I gained none of the technical precision I would have had I marched corps, but what I did gain was far more valuable.  I'm not one of those people that wants to try and make a living in the drumline world, I'm far too ambitious for that. It's my hobby, not my life, and as such it must eventually come to a close.

Whatever my career may be whether marketing, management, or law I just can't really justify doing this another year when I should be doing an internship or something.  Whether I like it or not (and right now I'm pretty sure the answer is not), I'm growing up.  I've got two years of school left and then it's the real world or at least grad school.  I can't have the fun summer job doing what I love with my friends forever.  At some point I will need to detach myself from my parents' finances and well, grow up.  I've been pretty privileged, I realize that now.  Not just privileged, but lucky too.  I've never had a real normal kind of job.  Just drumming, doing what I love to do anyway.  I suppose that's why the notion of the real world is so scary to me.  I can't be sure how well I'll adjust and I would really rather not compromise my standard of living, hence the ambition.  I will never abandon my far fetched dreams of other career possibilities, but I'm far too much of a realist to bank on them.

I have mixed feelings about going back to school, especially since it's clearly time for me to buckle down and get serious.  Also, when I left in May I was bitter about a lot of things, though judging by greek reunion I may be past that.  Love/hate relationships with various aspects of my life seems to be an ongoing theme, but I suppose that's to be expected.  I guess optimism here is key, my viewpoints and priorities are starting to change with age as I'm weathered with new experiences.  So here's to the future, the unknown, the unpleasant but necessary, the bittersweet goodbyes.  All you can really do is hope you come out the better off for it.

                                                        Post Statement
It would seem almost wrong to not mention my eventful four day trip to LA this summer.  I could have gone so badly with planning that was shaky at best and yet everything worked out.  I was able to see a live taping of Conan with guest Adam Sandler, saw the California sights, and paid a visit to one of my favorite places on Earth, Six Flags Magic Mountain.  All this was made possible by the incredible hospitality of a certain friend/exgirlfriend.  People really surprise me sometimes.  At any rate I just wanted to publicly thank Alyse for driving me around everywhere and giving me a place to stay.  You see people: it pays to maintain those friendly relationships with the exes.  Well sometimes anyway, lol.

Peace.

The Fallen Chronicle

Ok so... yeah I fail.  It's been ridiculously long since I've posted in this thing.  In that time I've done everything from snowboarding on the picture perfect peaks of the Tetons on spring break to playing the puppet-master of many an epic party as DJ, to officially becoming a business major.  Still, all in all it's been a mediocre semester perhaps, but not necessarily a bad one.  I'm just glad it's over with.  Glad to be out of Kirksville, away from Truman, away from the same tired faces. 

This summer should be one of my best ever with a fat raise at Six Flags, the new light parade, a la Disney Magic Kingdom (not gonna lie: the lighting guru in me is border line aroused by the notion of light up costumes...), and the chance to revamp Safety Zone to our own creative ends.  I'm also well on my way towards picking up some extra cash in a previously unexplored branch of the entertainment industry (and no, it's not porn ), but I'll keep my mouth shut about that for the time being.  After all the looming uncertainty about this summer with Six Flags and whether anyone would go back it's nice to see things come together.  It's nice, nay relieving, to see things go my way again... I was getting worried there for a second.  But then it's so much easier for things to go my way during the summer.  Everything is so much simpler, no complications, just a privileged existence of sleeping in and getting paid more than I would anywhere else to do things similar yet cooler than the stuff I used to pay to do.

Of course that privileged existence won't last forever, I will have to go back to school and any problems (and problem people) I left behind will be there waiting for me.  I've been giving it a lot of thought though, and I'm determined to make next semester different, academically and socially. 

 Academically, I've been entertaining the notion of law school more and more.  Part of this was my business law class which I enjoyed so much more than say managerial accounting or micro econ.  And my 3 test average was above 100%, yet other people seemed to think it was hard (which is always a sign you may be good at something).  But then that always has been my strong point: absorbing facts and information and regurgitating it.  That's why religions and world civ tests were so easy for me.  Compare that to a course that's all about applying conceptual understanding to number related problems where it's all too easy to confuse the different procedures.  At any rate, the point is for a law degree to mean anything it has to be from a really good school (although being at near the top of your class at a decent school is also acceptable).  Therefore, I need to step up my game especially since I've got some academic sins to atone for from my first semester at Truman.  It's not a sure thing yet though, after all I'm a marketing major who's never taken a marketing specific class (that's the School of Business for you) so I think I'll see if I really like that first.

Socially and extracurricularly I want to get involved in more things at Truman.  This will include joining a business fraternity as well as the pre-law club.  Depending on which business fraternity I join it could be a rather significant time commitment, which brings me to my next point.  I'm thinking it may be wiser for me to concentrate my time and effort outside of Delta Chi next year.  Maybe it's just my annoyance with recent events talking but I don't really know how to feel about it right now.  Up until a few weeks ago, I had only the highest ambitions for what I wanted to do with the fraternity.  But when you see your efforts be not only unappreciated but met with opposition it just raises certain questions.  Let's just say my faith in the chapter has been shaken.  Don't get me wrong: Delta Chi will always be home, both figuratively and literally next year.  But perhaps it shouldn't be my only home.  A little diversification could be good, and it looks like it may be easier to do my resume building elsewhere.  But I suppose I've got time to mull it over. 

It's unfortunate to end on that relatively unpleasant note, as I am actually in very high spirits at the moment.  This summer is going to be great, and whatever may come next semester I'm sure it'll work out.  Best of wishes to all chance readers of this on a good summer, I'll catch you later.

25: I'll Meet This Halfway

So I've never been a big fan of chain letters, notes, etc.  But this one seems to actually be somewhat worthwhile considering I've learned many interesting tidbits about my friends through these.  So I'll post my random facts, but I won't be tagging anyone on principle. And of course, in the traditional style of my blog, facts will tend to be longwinded and give more information than is necessary.  So, if you dare read through this lengthy post, you're bound to learn more about me, my personality, and my philosophy.

1. When I was little I used to be obsessed with the color orange.  I even had an orange party where everything had to be orange.  I guess I just liked the brightness of it.  Now I would say my favorite color is probably blue for practical purposes.  What I didn't realize until later is that blue and orange are opposites on the color wheel and in their personality trait analysis (look it up).  Personality wise blue is much more fitting, although I do have some orange (see #2).

2. I have ADHD.  I was an absolutely crazy child around my friends and family but very shy around those I didn't know.  To a lessor extent this is still true although my crazy ADHD side doesn't surface that often anymore and if it does it's typically only around people I feel comfortable with.

3. I hardly ever initiate conversation with people I don't know very well unless I have some sort of ulterior motive.  This may be due to shyness, laziness, apathy towards people I don't know, or some combination of those.  But even during the times in my life where I wished I had more friends I just never to forth the effort to make them.

4.  I've never really been outside the U.S. (except Canada at Niagara Falls).  I have however been to 38 (I think) states due to my family's tendency to drive everywhere including to our property in Oregon.  I'm the only person in my family who hasn't been to France which is pretty messed up considering we have family over there.

5. Socially I don't think my life has ever been better since I joined Delta Chi.  And, like most Delta Chi's at Truman, I never imagined in a million years that I would join a fraternity.

6. I love to drum, but even moreso I just love to perform.  My best performance memory would have to be playing in concert with Keith Urban.  The indescribable feeling of being on stage in front of 19,000 screaming spectators is something I would give most anything to experience again.

7. Inwardly I can be very cocky and sometimes downright full of myself about certain things.  Curiously though, this view of myself does not seem to translate into having the confidence to do what I think I could in some situations.

8. Until I came to Truman I had lived in the same house all my life.  I'm glad I never had to move to a new city, even if it would have been a good growing experience.

9. This one sounds bad (and is partially facetious), but hear me out.  People without money make crappy friends.  You can never go anywhere with them, because going places whether to get food, see a movie, or whatever costs money.  If the person is poor enough they will also begin to assume that you are made of money and try to bum off you constantly.  So the moral of the story is make friends with people who are richer than you, and bum off them.

10. This brings me to my next fact.  Going to Parkway West I felt underprivileged considering I parked my old Saturn between a Beamer and an Escalade or something everyday.  Once I came to Truman that perception flipped.  Growing up in such a rich area you don't tend to realize that you're more privileged than most, even if your classmates make you look poor.

11. I live by myself this year. This was not intentional, but rather the result of multiple people flaking on me at the last minute.  It's not all bad though, there are definitely some advances to having an apartment to yourself.  Next year I'll be getting back into the social living experience at the chapter house.

12. I just got into DJing at Kimball's (D Chi Barn).  My first act was to completely revamp our lighting system, much of which was at my own expense.  DJing can be very fun, but also be very stressful.  I won't get into that though.

13. It's important to me that I leave my legacy at D Chi, so I'm making improvements, starting new traditions, and generally rethinking the way we do parties.  It's a trial and error sort of process, and people tend to be reluctant to change, but I'm confident I'll leave D Chi an even better place than when I joined.

14. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I'm a vegetarian.  While two of those are religiously based, I don't see the appeal of any of them.  The idea of getting drunk and not being able to remember what I did sounds more frightening to me than fun.  Smoking, well that's common sense.  And as far as meat I just never really liked it (or the idea of it), so it wasn't hard to give up. 

15. I don't like extremists.  I don't like the radically liberal, or the die-hard conservative.  I don't like hardcore "you're going to hell" evangelicals or close-minded atheists.  Perhaps the most annoying thing about these people is that they tend to be outspoken.  If I didn't ask for your opinion please don't give it to me.

16.  I think tattoos and piercings (other than like pierced ears) are ugly.  For me, it's a huge turnoff in a girl.  But then again, I have a pretty conservative idea of what's attractive.

17. Hair is important to me.  Laugh if you will, but it really bothers me when people mess with my hair.  Perhaps more than any other area, it makes me feel violated.  Hair is also very important to me in the opposite sex.  It's really annoying when a cute girl dyes or chops off the bulk of her hair because she "needed a change."  Don't fix what ain't broken.

18.  Since kindergarten I've been older than everyone in my grade because my parents decided to wait to have me start school an extra year.  I'm 21, and I already wish I would stop getting older.

19. It bothers me when people say things like "how could God let this happen?" The better question is how could God not let it happen while still preserving free agency.  So much of human suffering comes from human action, sometimes our own, sometimes as the victim of another.  Mortal life was never intended to be fair, but God is just. I believe our life on Earth is just part of a greater eternal life, and any number of years on Earth still looks like zero next to infinity.  Therefore, while your life now may suck (it probably doesn't if you're reading this), in the end things will be fair.  God interferes with Earthly life when He must, but other than that the occurrences of Earth are the result of human action and science. Just my personal belief, take it for what you will.

20. I'm a night owl in the most extreme form.  Given the opportunity I will actually reverse my schedule to avoid the sun.  Nocturnal by nature, perpetually forced to conform to society.

21. Sometimes I wonder that I don't care enough.  I hear people say things like "I want to join the peace corps", or "I want to go fight AIDS in Africa" and know that even if they never do, their desire to do so is more than I can attest to.  It's not that I don't care, I just can't imagine putting my life on hold like that.

22. While I've never been particularly pressured to succeed like some people, I do feel the need to be successful, financially and otherwise.  If nothing else to keep up my standard of living, but also because right now it looks like everyone in my family is going to be pretty well off and I don't want to feel like the failure of the family.  I've got a lot to live up to: my dad went to MIT and got a doctorate.  I'm just going to have to try my luck with the corporate ladder.

23. I have three sisters and no brothers.  Maybe this feminine influence is why I have always admired the straight man who rejects the macho, manly man image and does artsy things such as theatre or writing or especially the hopeless romantic.

24.My blog has always had a very low level of censorship, although that is starting to fade.  I think it started in high school when I was so reserved in person, and everybody just labeled me as quiet.  I guess I didn't care what people thought from my posts, I was just trying to be real, and at least then they would know that there was something more to me. 

25. I just wasted a lot of time writing this.  But then, time for self-reflection is never really wasted, is it?

2008: A Belated Year in Review

Well the end of break is upon us.  I'm excited to get back to school and see everyone.  I'm bummed that I'll have to actually... you know, dare I say it? Do Stuff.  But on the plus side I'll also get to do other, more fun stuff. It's been a joy having the search for my own entertainment be my only chore, the sun my only nemesis in this nocturnal lifestyle.  I've had reunions with people from high school, work, and even my childhood.  But, there's only so much for me to do here.  Anyway, since I know I won't have time when I get back I figured I should at least write some semblance of a year in review.

You know, I used to make a much bigger deal out of these but I don't think I will this year.  2008 was a year that generally got better as it went on.  It started with a semester that was academically head over heals better than the previous one, but still lacking socially.   There was drumline: I quit Synergy for personal reasons only to end up joining Intrepid midseason for what may end up being my last year in WGI.  Some of the highlights were performing at Vanderbilt in Nashville and World Championships in Dayton, OH.  The semester ended with an uncertainty over what would happen at Six Flags, but it ended up being our strongest season yet as far as the product we put out.  The mischief was way down from previous seasons and yet ironically it ended up being the season we would nearly get fired.  The summer was partially defined by my temporarily long distance relationship with Jackie (who was in Costa Rica/Iowa) which funnily enough was much harder to maintain once we both got back to Kirksville.  It's strange the way things work out.  Surely the biggest event of the summer though was the wedding of my sister.  The reception was held at our house so inevitably the whole summer was spent preparing.  Upon returning to Truman I was balancing a dying relationship with adjusting to living off campus and figuring out whether or not I wanted to go Greek.  Obviously I did, and it's been the best decision I've made at Truman.  Without D Chi I know things wouldn't be looking up the way they are now, and I've already received more benefit from it than I could have imagined.  It took a while, but I found my place at Truman, and things have never been better.  Some of the highlights of the semester were joining D Chi, Homecoming and the lip sync performance which I actually really enjoyed, a lackluster year of TSU drumline, and initiation.  I also found out that my oldest sister is having a baby in May (a baby who yesterday was revealed to be a boy), which is really exciting.  I really like kids but curiously I've never been a big fan of babies.  Maybe this will be a good opportunity to get over that.

Anyway, that's about all I can write for now.  I just figured writing a short year in review was better than not writing one at all.  Have a good semester everyone, later.

The Annual Survey

 I don't usually do this sort of thing, but New Years is the one exception.  Here are a couple questionnaires.

Questionnaire Number Two
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?  Joining a fraternity brought many firsts.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, wait until May.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Not sure. 
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  D Chi Initiation.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Raising my GPA by nearly a full gradepoint.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not sure, 2008 lacked any really crippling failures.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?    I was sick for what felt like forever this fall.

11. What was the best thing you bought?  Gonna have to say Guitar Hero: World Tour.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?  I guess the wediing was pretty exciting.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?      Maybe Live Your Life.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter?  Neither.
iii. richer or poorer? Richher.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?  Spend time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?  Wasting time.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?  I spent it with family at home.
24. What was your favorite TV program? The Office. 
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?  I don't think I really hate anyone, dislike a few though.
28. What did you want and get?  A better year.
29. What did you want and not get?    A significant raise.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?  Dark Night. 
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 21, and not much.
34. What kept you sane?  D Chi, work.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?  The election.
37. Who did you miss?  Certain people from last year.
38. Who was the best new person you met?  Someone in D Chi, I don't want to pick favorites though.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:  Just because you can doesn't mean it's a good idea.